


getting used to it

by coquettishh



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Breakups, Comfort/Angst, Empathy, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Reading, Mutant Reader, Mutual Pining, Pining, Reader-Insert, cute moments w charles xavier, lots of hand holding, sad make outs, we also cute out here, we sad out here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coquettishh/pseuds/coquettishh
Summary: you didn't have to hold his hand to sense his pain, the trauma he's experienced. it carried in his eyes, in the way he held himself up, and in the way he hid it.
Relationships: Charles Xavier & Reader, Charles Xavier/Reader, Erik Lehnsherr & Reader, Erik Lehnsherr/Reader
Comments: 18
Kudos: 54





	1. (getting used to) erik

**Author's Note:**

> erik is staying at the school at charles' request but he's still battling his demons; reader is an empath who had recently discovered their powers and charles is helping them figure it out. enjoy!

You heard muffled footsteps thudding across the other room, pacing. It had been going on for a week. The noise. The faint thuds of someone punching the wall. The crying. Erik Lehnsherr wasn't sleeping at all. As his next-door neighbor, you couldn't, as well.

You weren't thinking (a fatal flaw, at times), but something prompted you to take a step outside, to knock on his door. You wanted to ask him if he was okay if he needed anything. But outside of seeing him in the hallways talking to other teachers or students and meeting him briefly when Charles Xavier introduced you to everyone at the school, you didn't actually _know_ him.

Maybe you were feeling a little lonely. Either way, you greeted Erik with as much confidence as you could have mustered that night, with an empty mug in your hand, and a dumb excuse to be out.

You stumbled with your words. You were getting hot chocolate in the kitchen, and you were wondering if he wanted to come with you for some company. The made-up excuse sounded better in your head. You shifted in your pyjamas, feeling the embarrassment creep in. Erik looked like he was about to go somewhere, a day bag slung on his shoulder, his boots laced up. His hair was tousled, his weary eyes looking down at you.

_Was he leaving?_

He set down the day bag on the floor and gave a little nod. You took that as him obliging, making your way to the kitchen. You could feel his eyes staring at the back of your neck as you walked silently along the hallway. He seemed tense. And tired. Erik took the barstool adjacent to you, watching as you made hot chocolate, still not staying a word. Your mind wandered, thinking about where he was going... And why.

'You're new here.' He said suddenly. Erik's voice caught you off guard, the teaspoons slipping from your grasp at the sound of his voice. He caught them, of course, gracefully levitating the teaspoons in the air before it hit the floor. His hand made a gentle, guiding motion, and they floated back onto your hands.

'T-Thank you,' you said. 'And yes. I'm new.'

'I've never really seen you—'

'—Training? It's complicated.' you said. 'I don't have the uh, "saving people powers" most of the students have. And I'm not exactly a student.'

' _"Saving people powers"_?' he said, a short laugh punctuating his sentence. 'You seem so modest with what you have.'

'It's not modesty, exactly.' You were avoiding his sharp gaze. The frustration in your voice was becoming a little more apparent to him. 'It's just a bit, well… Normal.'

'Nothing about us is normal.'

'I know.' He was standing next to you now, helping. He reached for the two mugs by the counter, handing them to you. You found yourself distracted by him. Your eyes lingered on the bruises running up to his bicep. Erik noticed you staring at his arm, and your eyes meet.

You cleared your throat, avoiding his gaze.

You poured hot chocolate into his mug, handing it to him. His fingers brushed over yours as he took it from you, and your powers sensed it a little—the pain. It was fleeting, but you felt a slight jolt as your abilities tried to process it. Whatever he felt, you felt. And it hurt. You tried not to dwell on it.

'I'm here because of an acquaintance.' You said, steering the conversation and your thoughts away from Erik, the image of Charles briefly crossing your mind. He leaned against the edge of the counter beside you, taking a sip.

He smiled knowingly. ' _Ah._ Is your friend Charles Xavier?'

You could feel his tension at the mention of his name. But you smiled back at him, softening his expression.

 _'Acquaintance.'_ You stressed. 'I met him a while back. He was... Very convincing.'

'Show me.'

'What?'

'What you can do.'

You couldn't hold back a tired sigh, feeling the stress of everything catching up to you. Maybe letting it out would help you relax.

'So... I'm an empath. I can sense people's feelings. Their pain. Take them away too. Make people happy or sad... I don't know. That's what Charles told me. He could've been telling me bullshit just to get me here,' You caught yourself rambling, and went on. 'I thought maybe if I stayed here and learned how to use what I have, you know... Maybe I can make a difference.'

The silence lingered. Erik watched you relax under his gaze, as though the burden you had been carrying for so long had been lifted.

'Can you sense mine?'

You frowned. 'Your... pain?' He nodded, trying to hide the eagerness in his expression. Erik held out his hand for you to grasp, and you looked up at him, unsure. You didn't have to hold his hand to sense it out of him. It carried in his eyes, in the way he held himself up, and in the way he hid it.

But you tried anyway.

You cautiously took his open hand, capturing his calloused fingers over your own, concentrating. You closed your eyes. Everything started to feel hazy, as though someone had flipped a switch on your head. You remembered memories that weren't yours, the pain inflicted on someone else, a family torn apart. It didn't occur to you that you were wavering, Erik catching your shoulders. You attempted to steady yourself, but as soon as you tried to, you gasp and lose consciousness.

* * *

You woke up, closing your eyelids against the harsh light of the lamp above you. You could feel your pulse, your skull throbbing. Continuous waves of Erik's memories coming and going like vivid dreams flashing before your conscious state, intertwined with the present day. The pain, the trauma, his anger lingering inside you... You couldn't control it. It came and went as it pleased.

You slowly opened your eyes.

'You scared me there.'

You realised your head was on his lap. His hand supported the top of your head as you lay on the tiled kitchen floor. How long were you out? He looked closely at you, the proximity of his face to yours casting a slight flush on your cheeks.

'S-sorry,' you rasped, still catching your breath. 'I can't... I can't control it.'

'I'm just glad you're okay. Conscious.'

'It's like someone turning the volume knob all the way up in my head...' You continued, clutching your forehead. Tthe migraine was coming on. It usually happened after using your abilities. 'The pain... Emotions... It's all I hear. Overwhelming me.'

You sat up next to him, trying to control your breathing, centering yourself. But your mind lingered. Memories of Erik as a child. Memories of his mother. The anger he clung to for so many years. How it shaped him. You closed your eyes again, trying not to have a breakdown next to him. He seemed to sense that you were drifting back into his memories, that Erik put a hand on your shoulder, bringing you back to the kitchen. Your eyes fluttered open, his face coming into view.

'I'm sorry.' you whispered. 'About your mother.'

'Hey,' Erik murmured, his eyes tired and a sad smile gracing his lips. He squeezed your shoulder briefly as he helped you up.

'You and me both.'

* * *

'I'll see you tomorrow.' was all he said as the two of you finally left the kitchen and back to the comfort of your rooms. Erik didn't let you leave his sight until you could walk on your own out of the kitchen, until your breathing was normal. He didn't look back as you waved and said goodnight. You had an inkling that he wasn't exactly the soft and cuddly sort, but it was okay. You watched as Erik disappeared into the darkness of his room, the door shutting behind him.

_Tomorrow._

Good. He's not leaving then.

You couldn't sleep that night. You tried to go over some materials Charles had sent over to try and bore yourself to sleep, but it was hard to concentrate on work too. It was the hot chocolate. It was your hand on his, sensing all the pain he carried every day. It was the fact that he was asleep in the room next door, not leaving. Not… crying. You turned in your sheets, feeling stupid. Feeling different.

You hid in your blankets, your eyes shut, trying to sleep. You remembered Erik's smile.

Maybe you could get used to that.


	2. (getting used to) training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's training time in the danger room with erik & hank :)

Erik Lehnsherr was terrifying.

The way he hovered across the danger room, crushing the training robots that stood in his way. The way his students parted as he flew above them, unsure of what to say or do. He looked different. It wasn't the armor or the helmet he was wearing right now. The way he carried himself was different. The intensity, the anger… You would've thought that the man you've been having hot drinks with at the kitchen during late nights was a different person entirely.

So, yeah. You still saw Erik. It was one night at first. You saw him when he couldn't sleep, having hot chocolate with him in the kitchen. Then one night turned into two. Before you knew it, you were meeting up every night without fail. Erik provided a little respite on a stressful day. You made him a drink during his bad days, and he made you one when you had yours.

Today, you and Hank were watching Erik's training session from the other side of the danger room, as Hank asked you to accompany him. You accepted, a little keen being in on the action but not actively participating. You were there to help supervise, gauging how the students were and how they felt during training. Having Erik lead the class made you feel a little at ease too. It was the students' first visit to the danger room, so they were all jitters, and they weren't the only one. Hank introduced you before the training started, the nervous group filing beside Erik, whose gaze was focused only on you, looking stern.

Did he not want you there? You couldn't tell or feel what he had in his mind. All you had was a sharp look and his usual rigid stature to go off on, which meant you had nothing. _T_ _hat damn helmet._ You smiled back warmly at the group nonetheless, as you and Hank stepped back to the edges of the room.

'You look as nervous as the class,' Hank remarked, once the two of you were out of earshot. 'You okay?'

'I wouldn't tell you or Charles otherwise.' You shrugged, watching as Erik instruct the class from afar. Explosions and shouts began to fill up the room, and you feel the room buzzing with anticipation and excitement. You looked up at Hank and realised he was asking you a question. You couldn't make it out, the noise drowning his voice out. You squinted at him, raising your hand to your ear to tell him you couldn't hear what he was saying. He leaned forwards to you, talking directly to your ear.

'I said if you talked to Charles about staying.'

'I'm still…' You stammered onto his ear, your voice uncharacteristically loud. 'I'm still thinking about it!'

'Well, if anything, I hope you do.' Hank smiled brightly at you, and you realise how cute he was when he wasn't talking about smart and scientific things to you that you couldn't possibly understand or even fathom that he could do. It was nice to find a friend in him. You returned his smile, going back to work. You've been unsure for so long. Uncertain with how people in your life would act now that they know, now that they realise… You're not the person they've known all along. Not exactly. You were glad you had people like Hank, to affirm that you were on the right path. You had a purpose now, a different path… A different life for you. Something you've never expected.

You went back to observing, sensing out the group. One of the trainees at the corner of the room felt a little nervous, but nothing too alarming. Erik hovered above them, observing as they moved as a team, ensuring everyone had roles to fulfill. Everyone seemed to be having a conducive time overall, and you can't help but feel a mixture of jealousy and motivation at how these kids were getting the hang of their powers so quickly.

'We've never seen eye to eye,' Hank admitted, his eyes following Erik. 'And he's so terrifying but…'

'He's really something, huh?' you beamed, watching your scary, hovering, hot chocolate-making friend dismantle another training robot.

Hank looked at you, curious. 'You know him?'

You smiled at him nervously. You weren't sure if you had the time and energy to tell him about you and Erik Lehnsherr, while you're in the danger room. 'Uh… Something like that, yeah.' You left it at that for now.

Before Hank could ask anything else, you two spot Erik descending. He walked back to your direction as he let the students take a five-minute break. He removed his helmet, tousled brown hair sticking to his forehead. Erik suddenly passed his helmet to you to your surprise, but you took it, nonetheless. Hank grinned at Erik, raising his hand for a high five. The awkward gesture was met with a blank stare, Hank taking his hand back quickly.

'Can we make a couple adjustments to the room, Hank?' Erik started, moving between you and Hank, his broad shoulders obscuring you from Hank's view. They were quietly discussing between each other, and you hear Hank say something in agreement. Your friend made his way to the control panel to do so, which left you and Erik alone, standing beside each other, a little more awkwardly than you had expected. It slowly dawned on you that you had never seen or talked to each other outside nights in the kitchen. Seeing Erik like this, in another time, in another place was new to you, like a stranger you were meeting for the first time. 'It… it, uh… looks fun,' you prefaced, looking to his students at the other side of the room and then up at him. Erik smiled briefly at you, easing you into his company.

'We can do something like this. If you want.' Erik offered after a few moments, as though he had been considering the thought for awhile now.

'O-oh, training? I'd like that.' The look of excitement was evident in your face, finally finding your voice. You flashed him a familiar smile, adding, 'You'll let me in your head again?'

He chuckled softly at you. 'The last time I held your hand, you fell unconscious. I don't want to see you like that.' He suddenly reached for your shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Erik's voice was a little softer now, his face leaning towards you slightly. 'Let's talk about it tonight.' _Tonight._ At the kitchen. You gulped and nodded, excited about the prospect. Hank's voice interrupted whatever else you were about to say, hearing him shout from the control panel. 'We're all good! You can continue now!' 

Erik nodded shortly at you before he made his way back to the group. You smiled at him, waving shyly as he flew back. It was a split-second realisation, your eyes darting to his helmet you had on your other hand. Your walking pace quickened, shifting direction as you ran up to his hovering figure. 'Erik! Erik, wait—' You called out to him, waving with your free hand frantically to capture his attention. 'Your helmet!'

You caught up with him as the training robots began to deploy, slowly dawning on you that you were running in the middle of the danger room. You stopped at the worst place, frozen in spot, as the chaos ensued. An eager trainee aimed a well-meant fireball at one of the robots just a few feet behind you. Your torso instinctively whipped towards where the explosion was. You didn't know what to do. You only remembered you were still holding Erik's helmet in your hands.

The explosion blew you back, the robot debris hitting you squarely on the left side of your face, and the force of the blast knocking you off the ground. You fell hard on the suspended floor, your vision blurring as you see silhouettes of people rushing over to tend to you. You felt someone pick you up, and a cool wind hitting your face. You could hear Hank whispering 'it's okay, it's okay' before you blacked out.

* * *

You could feel his hand cradle your head, as you opened your eyes. 'You scared me there again.' It felt as though you were reliving a recent memory, that night at the kitchen with him.

'Erik…' The first thing you blurted out was the last thing you had thought of before you lost consciousness. He helped you sit up, supporting your back and the other pulling you up, your legs dangling on the edge of the bed. Erik was adjacent to you, studying the bruises and cuts on you. It took you a moment to realise that he no longer had his helmet on, a grey undershirt and a pair of dark sweatpants replacing the armour you last saw him wear. You looked around, vision still a little shaky, realising you were at the hospital ward.

You still felt a little woozy. Probably from the pain meds Hank must've administered to you feeling the dull pain on your left cheek. Erik reached for your shoulder, squeezing the curve of it. 'I was too slow. I couldn't stop it.' he confessed, not evening beating around the bush. 'I apologise.'

'It's okay, it's not your fault.' you assured him. ' _Really._ ' you stressed, quickly noting the intense look of concern on his face. 'I'm a fucking idiot… Running in the middle of the danger room.' You said, your voice quieter. 'I mean, it's called danger room for a reason, right?'

 _Crickets._ 'And my fucking… Mutation. Not even working when I need it to. Not even giving me heads up or something. God. I'm just… I'm glad you two were there. At least, it's, I don't know.' You hesitated, you were rambling again, in front of him. 'It's hide-able.'

'That bruise on your pretty face says otherwise.'

You blinked.

 _You were_ what _now? Did he just call you_ pretty?

You caught a glimpse of it, a fuzzy reflection of your face on the glass cabinets. An ugly, purple bruise spreading across the side of your face. You tried not to think about it. And how could you, not when Erik was standing in front of you, his usual stressed out face softening at your sorry state.

You mustered a smile, but it soon dissolves into a wince the moment you feel the pain radiating from where you got hit. Erik was quick to notice. His hand got hold of your chin, tilting it slightly that your bruise was in view. You fell silent at his sudden touch. You could feel a slight flush creeping across your cheeks as he looked closely at the bruise. His hand was warm on your face, his thumb grazing your cheek gently, and the rest of his fingers falling across your chin and neck. A while ago the same hands felt and looked so different, only capable in inflicting violence at anything that stood in his way. 'It doesn't hurt as much. Not as bad as it looks, really.' you mumbled, your voice small at his touch. You tried to look at anything else, _anywhere else_ but his gaze.

It was an inkling, the first time you met him. The feeling grew as the nights with Erik went by. You were so tempted. You wondered if he sensed it. Every little feeling as an empath magnified. You fell in love cautiously oftentimes—it became hard to trust your feelings. Was it love? It was hard for you to tell. Your mutation heightened your emotions, which often led you second-guessing (to the detriment of your previous relationships).

And that night… You couldn't shake it off, as he held you, feeling the warmth of his hand. He was close. Too close to you. You bit your lip, your eyebrows furrowing at the middle, restraining yourself. _Shit._ You imagined how easy it was. Leaning forward and kissing him. Like a memory you had forgotten. You wonder what it would feel like, what it would change… how he tasted. Your thoughts lingered as Erik spoke, distracted. You couldn't help it.

'You were unusually quiet today.' he said lowly, bringing you back to reality.

'What?' You blinked, confused.

'During training.'

Oh. 'Well, I really wanted to show Hank I'm capable. And you kinda seemed in the zone,' you explained to him, still avoiding his gaze.  
'You looked… Busy.'

'Busy?'

'Yeah, busy with all the hovering, the teaching, and the—' you made a terrible impression of him from earlier, putting your right arm out, your outstretched fingers closing dramatically, as though you were actually crushing a robot's skull. '—Metal crushing thing.'

' _Metal crushing thing_.' he repeated each word slower this time. Your attempt to lighten the mood fell short, Erik looking blankly at you. Was this man even capable of laughing? You shrugged, carrying on, letting yourself relax in his touch. 'To be honest I was… I was nervous about the whole supervising thing. But it was nice _._ I liked seeing you like that. It's—' 

_Kind of hot, actually._

You cleared your throat. '—I think it's pretty cool, actually. Seeing you. Uh, crush… Things.'

'Did I frighten you?' He eventually asked when the silence lingered. Was that why he looked so tense during training? Because he thought you would think of him differently? You smiled, finally meeting his gaze. His blue eyes blinked back at you in curiosity, the frown in his face fading as you did. God, you were close. Too close.

'Not in the slightest.' you told him, not missing a beat.

'Yeah?'

As you were about to pull away from his grasp, Erik kissed you.

He _kissed_ you.

It was soft and uncertain at first, pressing his lips against yours, as though he was wondering if this was what you wanted. And then… you kissed back. You opened your mouth for him, coaxing him to kiss you deeper. And he did. Whatever sense of restraint he had left in his body had dissolved in your touch. Shit. _Shit._ _What the fuck were you doing?_ Your hands grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as you feel his tongue inside your mouth. You felt like you would melt into his arms if he kept on like this. You moaned into him as he pulled you back, his blue eyes staring straight at you.

'You were thinking about it. When I t-touched you.' Erik stammered, catching his breath. 'Thinking about what?' You whispered. His hands were around you, fingers tightening as he gripped the curves of your waist.  
'I could _f_ _eel_ you _thinking_ about it. Kissing me.'

Oh. ' _Fuck._ I think that's my… That's my empath thing… I-I can't… I can't help it.' you confessed, lamely so, your breath hitching when you realise how close you were with each other, your foreheads touching. And then he smiled. The motherfucker smiled, millimetres from your face, and it wasn't the restrained, stiff smile he always went to to remind everyone he wasn't a fucking robot. It was the biggest, dopiest, toothiest smile you've ever seen Erik Lehnsherr muster. 'I couldn't help myself either.' He replied, a soft laugh escaping his lips before kissing you again. Erik slowly bit your bottom lip, pulling on it before he kissed you once, twice gently on where your bruise was. _God_ , he felt so good.

'You feel so good too.' Erik breathed out, taking you out of your thoughts, burying his face in the crook of your neck, biting you lightly. You forget that your feelings and thoughts spilt out to anyone you came into physical contact with. God, Charles was right, you really needed to work on your mental shiel— 'You feel s-so good.' He repeated as though he was in a trance, kissing you again. You could feel his hot breath against your neck, making you tense a little. 'So pretty…' A kiss. 'So soft…' And then another. 'So…'

You drew him back to your lips, shutting him up, and into your mouth again. Your hand was on his jaw now, your legs around his waist. He had lost his train of thought. You didn't have to read his mind. You knew what he was thinking about. Erik was so easy to read like this. The way his hands were already under your shirt. He didn't feel like a mystery you have to solve anymore whenever he looked at you when you see him like this, stammering under your touch. Like you could make him do anything. And it was so nice. _Fuck._ How easily you could melt his cold exterior, doing so little. His tongue inside your mouth and the way you felt so soft, so warm in his hands like you were about to come apart if he held you any tighter. You wished you were both somewhere else, on his bed, or _yours_ —

The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled you out of the kiss, and out of Erik's arms. The two of you looked up. Hank was standing by the doorway, arms carrying an ice pack for you and a tray of what looked like tonight's dinner. Erik straightened himself, taking a step back. You could feel your cheeks warm up, tucking your hair behind your ear nervously, trying to compose yourself.

'I got you some ice,' Hank said, his face frozen in a mixture of surprise and awkwardness. 'And, uh, food.' He nodded at Erik's direction, unsure what to say to him given what he just saw. 'Erik.'

'I'll see you later.' Oh god, his voice sounded almost mechanical, but then he squeezed your shoulder before walking to the door. Erik looked back at you, briefly, as he took leave, the silence between you and Hank deafening. You looked mortified under Hank's gaze as your friend tended to your bruises.

Hank didn't say anything, placing the ice pack on your cheek, restraining the urge to grin. See him later? Just… Knock on his door and continue… Whatever that was? Hank looked eagerly at you, ready to ask you whatever the hell he just stepped into.  
'When you said you knew him, I had no idea you knew him like that…'

You mustered a nervous laugh, unsure of what to say. You had no idea either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments appreciated! ♡


	3. (getting used to) charles

...Except you didn't see him that night.

Or any other night, actually. The whole kiss made you feel sick. Physically sick. It felt as though someone had flipped a switch in the backrooms of your mind. That kiss with Erik that night and suddenly... You were feeling every emotion. It used to be tactile. Something that only activates at a physical touch. But now, it wasn't like that anymore. Suddenly, you can sense every person's emotion in the school, and you can no longer stop it, or knew how to stop it. You felt like you were going to implode that evening.

Which was why you ended up sleeping on the leather couch in Charles Xavier's quarters. Having a telepath friend accustomed to psychic powers going haywire in his lifetime certainly helped you. He helped calm you down when it happened, and it usually happened before bedtime. When the emotions begin, and your empathic abilities start to act up, your mind couldn't keep up with both.

'You allowed yourself to be vulnerable. Somehow putting those walls down... Everything came rushing in.' Charles explained to you during the first night. Your head lay on a pillow on his lap, his hand on the crown of your head, his eyes closed in concentration. 'These emotions are going to drown you if you don't center yourself. You're going to get carried away.'

So you stayed. You didn't have much choice. It felt like shit. _You_ felt like shit. You couldn't face Erik nor your powers on your own, at least not right now. Hot drinks at the kitchens were now replaced with sleeping on the leather couch in Charles' bedroom, your head on his lap, his fingers on your temples, your eyes closed as he focused his powers on calming your mind down.

'Do you think...' you whispered, as his fingers left your forehead, feeling refreshed... Feeling more at ease. 'Do you think I can do this on my own? Like with my powers?'

'With the state of your abilities right now? I don't think so.' 

'Ouch, Charles—'

'I'm being a good and honest friend.' He paused and then added, 'A good friend who's been allowing a grown woman sleep on his couch because she's incapable confronting things.'

'Again, ouch. You're not wrong but still.' you sighed, letting yourself relax under his gaze. 'Can't believe this stupid couch is the only place where I feel like me.'

'I think it's part and parcel of your mutation. Experiencing your own emotions tenfold in your case being that. Whatever the emotional state you're in affects your physical state. Something triggered you. In this case it's…' He paused, as though he was reeling at the thought. '...Kissing Erik. So you shut down.' Charles cleared his throat when the look on your face made it plain you didn't understand whatever he just said. 'It's like getting a flu. Getting a flu from having too much feelings.'

'That sounds like a made-up thing to make me feel better.'

'If that was the case,' he said, leaning against the seat. 'I would've said something else because I need my couch back.'

You yawned, stretching your legs on his couch to rub it in. 'I thought you liked me being here. _I_ like it _here_.'

'I assume that means you'll be staying here then?' Charles watched you sit up beside him, a blanket draped over your body. He handed you his cup of tea, to which you take a sip from, before scrunching your face in disgust. 'I thought we were having wine,' you glared at him, disappearing into your blankets again.

'Don't change the subject.'

'I'm still thinkingabout it, okay?'

 _'Like, right now, I suppose?'_ he was talking to you telepathically now, much to your annoyance.

'Oh my god, get out of my head, Charles!' you yelled, very loudly and comically so, interrupting whatever else he wanted to convey telepathically. Having a friend who can talk to you in and out of your head had its fair share of pros and cons, and it's something you've learned to get used to with Charles Xavier.

There was a lightness, an ease when you spend time with him. Sometimes you had tea (or wine) in his quarters or at his office when his schedule permitted it. You often spoke about your abilities with him, discussing what you could do at the school should you decide to stay. It was nice. Having someone talk fondly about your abilities, the possibilities it—no, _you_ possessed was almost like he was talking to someone else, gushing about you — it was foreign to you. You liked it. It was also a good distraction, what with the whole… Kissing Erik a couple of nights ago happening. Charles surrounded you with words, compliments, and conversations. Even in your thoughts, he filled that little void inside your head where it's just you. _Telepaths._ You wondered at times if this was maybe why Erik always wore that helmet. You smiled at the thought.

Erik was… Another way. It wasn't a contrast, they weren't opposites, not exactly, but it was different with him. He let silence fill between you, letting only the soft clink of mugs and the occasional hum of the radio in the kitchen, he welcomed the quiet. The kitchen was a bubble, a little world that only the two of you inhabited. Sometimes (well, most of the time) he let you ramble on when you were having an awful day, trying to rearrange your haphazard thoughts and feelings in front of him. He would smile, his stupid restrained non-toothy 'Hey everyone, I'm not a robot' smile, asking you if you wanted to hear his advice or not. You would tell him you would rather he made you another drink. And he always did. The silence was warm. Natural. Not the stifling or awkward one, where you were compelled to fill up the quiet, babbling empty words and conversation. God. You missed it. You missed _him_.

What were you thinking of... _Kissing_ him? Okay, you weren't thinking, that's the problem. And _he_ kissed _you._ You also... Kissed him back. Very deeply. Acting on a feeling you weren't even sure that was the result of your mutation or what you truly felt in your heart. Did you ruin a friendship because you felt horny while you were on pain meds? Shit.

 _'You know, we can talk another time,'_ Charles' voice rang through your head, bringing you out of your thoughts. He was looking at you inquisitively at his side of the couch.

 _'I don't mind… If you're, ah, busy…'_ He continued, talking telepathically.

'S-Sorry,' you faltered, a bit embarrassed, blinking back whatever — _w_ _homever_ — you had in mind.

'You need to stop doing that,' you said, scrunching your nose at him. Charles flashed you with a _'doing what?'_ look. 'You know it annoys me when you—'

'Penetrate your thoughts?'

'Don't say " _penetrate_ ", Charles, jesus—' You hid your face behind the blanket. He grabbed the end of the covers, pulling it towards him, giving you nowhere to hide. You felt your cheeks get warmer at his gaze. Charles lost his composure, laughing at the look on your face.

'Stop it,' you were half-laughing and half-amused, catching your face with your hand in embarrassment. You felt the lightness of his laugh, a rare sight to behold nowadays. He seemed to be always so tired or so stressed during school nights. Or both. It was nice to let yourself get caught up in his joy, absentmindedly looking outside the big bay window, moonlight streaming through the curtains. 

_'You need to strengthen your mental shields. If you want, I can teach you tomorrow.'_

'You're trying to make me stay.'

'Maybe.' he said. 'I feel selfish asking more of your time and energy, I know. But... It's not everyday I meet someone who's like me. Having you around makes me feel... Less lonely.'

_'Being an empath and being a telepath are two different things.'_

_'You know what I mean.'_

'It's not like you're alone, Charles.' you told him, speaking up. Your eyes were on the hearth, the light from the fireplace casting a warm glow to your face. 'You're surrounded by so many people. Students. People who rely on you. _Love you._ '

'Being alone and being lonely are two very different things.' Charles pointed out. He smiled the same smile he flashed at you whenever he won in chess.

 _'You know, you need to stop reading my mind,'_ you continued your discussion telepathically, interrupting his thoughts. _'If you want me to leave your couch.'_

'I could just _make_ you leave the room.' he said. 

You grinned at him. 'Oh, but you won't, because you're _kind_ and _understanding_ Professor Xavier.'

'Technically, you're not my student.'

'Uh well... You're _my_ kind and understanding friend, and friends don't do that?'

Charles cleared his throat. He always seemed to do that when he got too nervous around your wide-eyed gaze or when you asked a (admittedly at times, dumb) question. He looked flustered, and you sense his nerves. 'Unless, you want to be my student.'

'I'll teach you how you can put up walls. And how to put them down, on your own volition.' he offered. ('You just told me, I _couldn't_ —' you interjected, but he says your name now, interrupting you.) '—I said you couldn't, _at the moment_. It doesn't mean you're incapable of doing this forever.'

'Fine. You're right... And I'll take you up on that.' you finally gave in, emerging from your blanket. 'I'm going to leave this awful couch tomorrow morning, and I'm going to talk to him too.'

You got to your feet, putting on your bedroom slippers. 'Aaaand,' you drew out the word, flashing him a smile. 'I'm going to get some wine downstairs, and _maybe_ beat you at chess tonight, _Professor_.'

'Not sure what you're on about!' he called after you, hearing the smile in his voice.

* * *

You didn't know if you'd see him again in the kitchen. I mean, the kitchen wasn't exclusive to you and Erik after all, but it was at the back of your mind. He was probably asleep in his room, and your overactive brain that had been playing fake scenarios to make you nervous you weren't helping. But _oh, the wine._ The wine would help. You just have to wait tomorrow morning and talk to Erik before his training. Maybe wear something nice? Just look somewhat... Presentable in front of him. And maybe get a speech ready, because you couldn't trust your mutation from letting you talk to him like a normal person nowadays.

You took out the wine from the fridge, pouring it absentmindedly into one of the glasses. A little liquid courage before the chess game would certainly help. You sat, your arms slumped across the counter, tilting the bar stool back and forth with your weight. You closed your eyes. It felt nice. Feeling the warmth of the wine inside of your body, lulling you into a numb, relaxed state of mind. You welcomed it. Thinking about nothing was better. Feeling _nothing_ was better—

'You're going to fall off your seat, if you keep doing that.' Two hands had settled on your shoulders, keeping you still. You felt your face going warm, and you were certain it wasn't the alcohol anymore. It was almost like you willed Erik Lehnsherr to be there. You heard him breathe, closer than you expected him to, feeling his torso against your back. His hands were firm on your shoulders, grounding you back to reality. You looked up, and you see his face tilted down at you, your gaze meeting his blue eyes. The crown of your head leaned against his middle as you craned your head up. Even in this unattractive angle, he looked so handsome.

'H-Hey,' you breathed, your voice slower from the wine.

He stayed silent, taking you in, squeezing your shoulders in an attempt to loosen you up a bit. 'Your bruise is almost gone.'

You hummed a 'yes', closing your eyes. You had more to say, but that was all you could muster. You were a little buzzed, whatever prepared speech you wished to say long forgotten. You felt Erik's thumbs dig out the knots on your shoulders. It felt good. It made you feel so present, and so... Aware of every muscle in your body. He was so strong, and yet so soft and careful with you. You could hear his breaths, feeling the way his fingers grip the curves of your shoulders. You think about how much you have missed him, his touch.

'You were avoiding me.' he said softly. You felt it. The tinge of disappointment and hurt in his voice, as much as he wanted to mask it.

'I'm sorry,' you said almost instantly. You looked up at Erik, meeting his gaze again. 'I was… It scared me.'

Then he stopped. You could feel him lifting his fingers from your shoulders. He took the seat next to you, his back leant against the counter, his profile turned towards you. His gaze was intense. And then you were back to where you were before, nervous and unknowing. 'I scared you?' his voice was sharp, looking at you closely.

You blinked at him like you had no idea what he was talking about. I mean, sure, he could probably crumple all the appliances in this kitchen, and he may likely be one of the most powerful mutants in the world, but that never really phased you.

'No, not you. _Me_. I think… I think I need to get a hold of my abilities.' You told him. 'Proper mind training you know?'

'I have this thing where I feel too much, and when I feel too much... I process emotions differently. When I woke up at Hank's ward and when we kissed... I felt it... Everyone's feelings. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to stop it.' you explained. 'It was the first time I felt vulnerable, with my walls down. A kiss set me off and it scared me. And I don't want it to happen again. Not when...' Your voice drifted off, and your gaze was back to the kitchen, away from his stare. Not when you had feelings for him. Not when you wanted to kiss him next time, feeling him—only him—and nothing else. 'Look, can we forget it ever happened?'

'Is that what you want?'

'I don't... _I don't know what I want._ ' You replied, feeling deflated. You were running out of words, but you were feeling _so much_. You closed your eyes, the waves of emotions threatening to wash you away again, as you kept afloat in your head trying to make sense of everything. 'I just want… _You_. I just want you and—' you looked around the kitchen. '— _This_ back.' The way you said it, so simply and almost desperately. You sighed. 'I'm sorry. It's too... I'm too mu—'

'You're trying to find control in the chaos.' he supplied, cutting you off before you had anything self-deprecating to say. 

'Yeah.'

'And you don't want me adding to it.' _God._ How was he explaining it more clearly than you _and_ with fewer words?

'Not _you_. Just the kissing part.' You added feebly in a small voice, feeling like a toddler.

' _Ah._ Seems like that was a very long-winded explanation just to tell me I'm a terrible kisser.' He looked at you, stone-faced.

You blinked at him, trying to hide the flush that was slowly creeping on your face, his words breaking your composure. 'I—I, Erik t-that's not what I mea—'

'I'm joking.' he smiled his stupid smile at you, and you wished you didn't say 'no kisses in the meantime' awhile ago. Because you wanted to do the opposite right now, so badly. Erik took the wine glass out of your hand, saying 'No more of that, for now' and walked further into the kitchen. He took out some mugs from the shelves above him, his back to you.

You walked towards him, just right behind him. You looked up at the back of his head, observing. Wondering. Without thinking, you slowly wrapped your arms around his waist, leaning against him and squeezing ever so tightly. Erik stopped whatever it was he was doing, but he doesn't tense from your touch. Your lips graze the shirt fabric, the weight of your body against his back. 'God.' you sighed. 'You're softer than Charles' couch.'

'I'm going to assume that was a compliment.' he said, after a few moments.

You smiled against his back, squeezing tighter. 'Have you seen his couch? It's all leathery and uncomfortable... I think it's older than me. Smarter than me, even.' You went on. 'But you...' Your voice drifted off, lost in the fabric of his shirt.

'I missed you.' you whispered, breathing him in. It was honestly the only thing you wanted to tell him that night, more than anything else. You heard a chuckle. 'We're staying in the same building.'

You groaned into his shirt. 'You know what I mean.'

He suddenly put his hand on top of yours, as you hugged him from behind. Erik didn't say it back. You weren't expecting to be reciprocated either. You knew he wasn't that type who'd suddenly get mushy on you, as much as you wished it to be. 'Do you want to beat Charles at chess tonight?' you asked, suddenly, the moment gone. You had finally let go of Erik, taking space beside him. 'We're playing upstairs.' 

You nudged his side with your elbow, looking up at him with wide eyes. 'Hey, I'll help you read his mind, maybe we can win.'

' _We?'_

You hand Erik another mug for your telepath friend upstairs. 'It's a team effort. He doesn't have to know.' Your eyes met, and your lips widened into a smile. You could sense it that night, his restraint. The way his eyes briefly darted to your lips when you smiled at him. The way he leaned a little closer when you stood beside him. Erik wanted to kiss you.

But he didn't. He wasn't as... Impulsive like you. He didn't let his feelings get to him, which was something you wished you were. As he resumed making hot chocolate, Erik simply hummed in agreement, a warm silence blanketing over the two of you. You sensed him, happy. Content. You smiled at the thought. This was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! ♡ leave a comment, if you have the time.


	4. (getting used to) days with/without erik

You were getting used to days spent with Erik.

You realised most of your days had started to… Revolve around him. Training with him, eating meals with him, bothering Charles with him. Silly, little mundane things with him. Doing anything other than kissing him, basically. So it surprised you when he and Hank announced they'll be going to Europe, helping out and bringing young mutants to the school. What would you do to fill up your time when most of it was spent around him? You thought about it, days before he left, but you've never brought up your anxieties to him. You wanted to show that you could hold up easily on your own (even when the reality is, you were anything but).

It was four in the morning when they left, the sun barely peeking out of the horizon as they boarded the aircraft. He stood with the others, so imposing and covered in armour. You woke up early, all pyjamas and messy hair, sneaking inside the hangar to say goodbye to your colleagues. To Erik.

You were hesitant to show a gentler side of him. Sure, Erik would let you hug him when you spent time at the kitchens. He would let your head rest on his shoulder when he had chess games with Charles in the wee hours of the morning, as you were too sleepy to keep up with their conversations, or their chess strategies. He would let his arm drape around your body when you were both too tired to rise from Charles' couch, a blanket over the two of you, his arm as your pillow as the two of you fell asleep when it got too late. Erik would let you do more, if you'd let him. You knew. But this softness only extended to the kitchen, in the privacy of your rooms, or the comforts of Charles' quarters. Nowhere else.

So you held yourself from doing anything anywhere else that would betray everyone's perception of him. Outside of it all, he was now a teacher, a man who had been through so much, lost so much too. He was so strong, so terrifying at times, so... Erik.

That's why you stood there, as you said goodbye to the others, unsure whether to hug or wave at him, as you did with everyone else. You were smiling awkwardly at everyone. Waving at everyone else but Erik. Hugging everyone else but him. You didn't mind. You were used to it. He waited for the rest of the team to file inside the aircraft, walking up to you when everyone had gone.

Erik stood right in front, looming over you. He was looking at you… Like he was considering what to do or say. You looked up at him, eyes wide. Do you just… Reach over and hug him, scary helmet, armour, and all? Do you wave goodbye and smile, like you did with everyone? Do you kiss him...? _Hug him?_ No. _No._ Your colleagues are there _._ His teammates are there. Don't hug him. _Do not hug him—_

'I'll see you in a few weeks,' he said.

There was a certain edge, a tension in his eyes as he looked at you, taking you in. Erik was wearing his helmet, which meant you couldn't sense it out of him. So you smiled, the warmest you could ever muster that day. There were so many words to be said, so many actions you could have done, but a smile was enough. You would think it would melt him on the spot right there, the way his expression wavered as your lips widened.

And then he put his gloved hand on your head, first as an awkward pat, before it dropped to your cheek, caressing it briefly.

'I…' you were at a loss of what to say at the sudden touch. You were used to displays of affection initiated by you. Never him. So when he cupped your face, so gently, so... lovingly... It surprised you. He was waiting for you to say something. God. It wasn't like him to be so gentle with you outside of your bubble. Keep it cool. _Keep it fucking cool—_

'Take care, Erik.' your voice was mechanical, almost what he sounded like when he talked to others. Devoid of any softness, any emotion.

He nodded, his gloved hand letting go of your face, saying nothing else. You watched as he turned around, walking back. And then you blurted it out, the three words your heart had been whispering at you, conveying it telepathically at him.

_'I-I'll miss you.'_

It made him stop in his tracks, halfway through the path to the aircraft, as you said it. Erik paused. It seemed like he was suspended in time, unsure whether he should turn back and return to you. Hug you. _Kiss you._ But he didn't. He simply craned his head, ever so slightly to meet your gaze. You smiled back at him, waving. He straightened his shoulders, entering the jet.

* * *

You were getting used to days spent without Erik.

Training without him, eating meals without him, bothering Charles without him. You thought about kissing him, sometimes. You wonder when he'll be home often, but it didn't bother you as much as it did the first week he was gone. It was good. It kept you put at Charles' place. It also kept your mind from wandering, steering you away from your usual doubts and indecisiveness. You knew you were meant to be here. Who else would greet him when he returned home?

'Did you just call the school "home"?' Charles asked, hiding behind his book to avoid your deathly stare.

You were much better at putting up mental shields now, but your telepath friend sometimes loved making sure that you know you couldn't hide anything from him. He kept you on your toes, and it was fine, to be honest. It was motivation to do better. He sat at the end of the couch in his quarters, while you lay on the other side of it, pillows surrounding you as you tried to nap that Sunday afternoon.

'Can't even have a moment to myself in this place…' you grumbled as you sat up, snatching the book from his hands.

'I was _reading_ _that_ ,' he protested, trying to reach for it back. You stuck your tongue out. You positioned your head on his lap, the smile on your face hidden behind the book. 'Are you reading the book or my head?'

'I was multi-tasking.' you could hear the smile in his voice. 'But your thoughts were far more interesting, truthfully.'

'That's a funny way to say you were being _nosy_.' you pouted. 'Which you are, mind you.' Charles smiled at you, not confirming or denying the fact that he was nosy.

'Can you let me nap, please?' you went on, hugging the book around your chest. 'It's been awhile since the school's been quiet. It's nice to be away from teenagers... Sensing all their _hormones_ and _feelings_ … It's awful.' you cringed at the thought, dreading the day summer break will be over. No one was home, save for you and Charles and a couple of students at the school. The staff wouldn't be home from Europe until a couple of days. _Erik_ won't be home. Still.

'Only if you let me read in peace.' he said. 'Will you do me a favor and think of something other than… Erik?'

'Ah, like you?'

It was meant to be a joke, you've always had silly jokes between you and Charles, little insults and comebacks that would've sounded rude in front of others who weren't completely familiar to the sense of humour you both had. So you didn't expect him to flush at the suggestion. He froze, looking at you from where you lay. The silence that hung between you was awkward. You realised you had caught him off-guard, his face easy to read. Was he—? Oh god, don't even _think_ about it. Don't even try to _sense_ it out of him. You were privy to some things and emotions. But there were some feelings you didn't want to _know_. You didn't want to sense. Like his. You suddenly wished you were surrounded by teenagers and their feelings than to be left alone with Charles Xavier and his emotions at this point.

'Charles, I was j—'

'Anything other than Erik would do.' He takes the book off your hands, smiling. Charles cleared his throat and went back to reading his book. Back to normal. You tried to sense it, but you couldn't tell if he was back to normal or blocking your abilities. You gave up after a few moments, turning to your side and closing your eyes.

'Oh god, I just remembered I have pantry duties.' you said, your eyes wide open once again. You checked your watch, sighing. 'Hank's going to kill me if I don't stock up before the kids return. Before _he's_ back.'

'He won't be back in a couple of days.'

'He will _tear me apart, Charles._ Have you seen him that time I accidentally forgot to help him clean up after training? Imagine if I forget to stock up the refrigerator when they arrive. It'll be a bloodbath.'

His face broke into laughter. Good, he's laughing. Normal jokes. Normal Charles. Normal you. _Everything back to normal._ 'I'll go bother you later, I'm going to the grocery.' you finally sat up, running a hand through your messy hair. 'I'll get us some dinner too. Do you want takeout or shall I cook something?'

'Depends on what you're cooking,' he said, putting down his book, considering it. You recalled the time you served burnt pasta sauce and meatballs the other day, much to Charles and the remaining students' chagrin. You could tell he was thinking about it too with the look on his face. You shook your head at the thought.

'Okay, okay, I'll get us pizza.' you decided. 'The kids will love it.'

'Sounds good. I'll see you later, darling—' Charles said, not looking up from his book. And then he caught himself, the word he had uttered, the realisation dawning on his face. The flush returned to his cheeks as he said your name, closing his eyes in embarrassment. He set the book down on his lap, his blue eyes looking up at you. 'Sorry. _Sorry._ I apologise. Slip of the tongue.'

'Just one gaffe after another. Forgive me.' he smiled. You laughed at the sight of him squirming at his little mistake, waving him away.

'You're good _._ '

You leant down to kiss him on the cheek as you said goodbye. You could feel how warm he was on your lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! this has more charles than erik, i'm sorry! he's just so fun to write, hehehe. wanted to write a very cute and very soft chapter and a lil bit of something something ;) before we get into something else ♡ leave a comment, if you have the time!


	5. (getting used to) holding hands

Eggs. Milk. Juice. Snacks.

You repeated it, like a mantra, over and over in your head, wandering around the busy grocery aisles. You wanted to be away from the school that day. Away from responsibilities. Away from distractions. And most certainly away from Charles' attention. You didn't want to admit it, but sometimes it got overwhelming. Everything did. You just wanted to breathe.

It was nice, being alone. Nothing but your thoughts, away from the busyness of your new job, new powers, new people, new… Emotions.

What more was expected of you? You were simply one of many living at Charles' school, cautiously opening up to what your mutation could do. It was a long process. The results of all this training, working, and studying were still so far away for you to see, as much as you try and squint into the future. It made you miss bits of your old life. How simple it was, compared to now. You catch yourself second-guessing sometimes, seeing glimpses of the past whenever you visit your non-mutant loved ones during your breaks. It was easy to fall back into old habits, catch up to old friendships, settle into old routines you had before learning you had your powers, before moving to Westchester.

Living like this made you feel like you were on the verge of different worlds, never truly a part of one, simply floating around in different places, different lives with nothing to ground you. The uncertainty scared you. Sure, you were about to embark on a new life, a new perspective, there was all this… Newness. It was all shiny and beautiful at the start, but the shine usually wears off as with anything else in a person's life, and the cracks begin to show. Starting over again after establishing your life in a non-mutant and very normal world was terrifying. What if you failed in this very mutant, very exciting one? Did you have to choose? It seemed to pose more questions than answers. The winds of uncertainty threatened to sweep you away without Erik Lehnsherr, pulling you back to reality.

And in so many ways, it manifested in your relationship with him. It affected Erik as well. You knew it shouldn't have to be. You didn't want it to be. He was the only thing that made sense, the only thing you were so sure of right now. The only thing that kept you from floating away from all the different worlds you orbited in.

You sighed, minding the list again, poring through items in the tightly packed shelves. You thoughtlessly filled your basket with things, your brain going back to auto-pilot mode. You repeated the list once again.

Eggs. Milk. Juice. Snacks.

You reach for one of the brand name juice in the refrigerators. But it never made the basket, the juice bottle slipping from your hand. You waited for it to hit the floor, the liquid spilling out, the bottle breaking apart, but it never did. You felt the basket in your hands pull away from you; the steel handles sliding out from your arm. It floated mid-air, catching the bottle for you.

You gasped, quickly taking the basket before anyone could see.

_W-what just…?_

You spun around and found Erik Lehnsherr standing a few feet away from you. You immediately relax at the sight of him.

'What the fuck, _Erik_ ,' you hissed at him, biting your lip and scrunching your eyebrows. You didn't want to look so eager; that his presence (and lack thereof) affected you so much. Erik smiled at this, and now it was him trying to soften the look on your face, not the other way around.

You walked over to him, not too quickly. You smiled at him, not too widely.

'Ah, yes. I missed you too.' Erik said. Up and down your gaze went, from his tousled brown hair, his grey pullover, and the soles of his boots. You let Erik embrace you. He pulled you closer, hesitating at first, but quickly squeezed you tighter after hearing a contented sigh leave your body.

'Our telepath friend told me you would be here.' he told you, continuing the conversation before you could ever ask.

'I thought you were still in France?'

'We'll be leaving again this weekend.'

Ah. You looked up at Erik. The smile on your face dissolved, frowning. 'You're leaving again?' You try your best to mask your disappointment with curiosity, your voice a hushed whisper.

'I'm here, aren't I?' He took your hand as soon as you pulled away and walked beside him. How easy it was for him, as though you wouldn't notice his touch, his hand enclosing in yours, like a quiet promise.

It was the first time seeing him be like this, so gentle towards you amid so many people. It was such a foreign feeling. And yet, so familiar.

It had a certain thrill, holding his hand, Erik letting you lead the way as you navigate the grocery aisles. Your fingers tangled together as you pick out breakfast items between each other, figuring out what the students liked better. It felt so effortless, like you've done this with him countless times before this. He let himself get caught up in your smile and you in his. Erik never let go as you lead him across every shelf, checking the items in the grocery list off. The two of you distracted each other with conversation and inside jokes. It was like you spoke your own language that no one in the grocery aisles but you or Erik can ever grasp. You wished you can stay like this. You wished he didn't leave again.

'You've been holding up well in Westchester?' he asked, after quite some time. Erik watched as you squatted down to reach one of the items from the lower shelves.

You sighed through your lips, glad that he couldn't see the face you were making. 'It's fucking agonising.' you mumbled without looking up. 'I feel like I'm in the threshold of something… Like I'm going somewhere. But I'm not—' you were reaching for the last peanut butter jar at the deepest end of the shelf. '—Exactly—' you grunted, struggling to grasp it. '— _There yet._ '

The peanut butter jar suddenly slides towards your grasp.

'You don't need to help me.' you grumbled, handing him the jar. ' I can… I can do it.'

You let him pull you up, hand in hand again. 'I feel like a fool.' you admitted, your eyes on the floor. Erik knew you weren't talking about peanut butter jars that were hard to reach for anymore. You looked up at him intently, as though the answers to all your anxieties lied in his gaze.

'You're making the most of things, do you not?'

'Yes, but…'

'And it makes you happy, despite the uncertainty and the hardships.'

'Yes, _but_ …'

'Give it time.' he said, at first. 'And be kinder to yourself. It's okay to be unsure and restless.' He was gentle with his advice, his voice measured and calm; each word carefully said.

The way he captured you with such deadly accuracy was sometimes frightening, more than the sight of him crushing steel in front of you during training days. You often wondered if it was Erik and not Charles who read your mind so clearly. 'I hope it comforts you to know that I'll be here, whatever may happen.' he said.

And it did. Your throat was caught up, unable to say the same thing back to him, but Erik knew, in the way you smiled, the way your gaze softened at his words. He knew.

'You're so kind, Erik.' you said, overwhelmed, your voice breaking a little as you said his name. And then he leaned forward, unexpectedly. About to kiss you. Well, almost. He stopped halfway through, his hands on your shoulders. Whatever semblance of restraint came back and he lets go of you. 'Later,' Erik promised you, taking the basket off your arm. 'At home.'

You nodded, and the two of you continued walking.

'I wish I could give you what you deserve.' you said suddenly, unprompted. It was as though you were pondering out loud. The words fell out of your mouth, as nervous and clumsy as you. 'Your family. Your mum. A nice house somewhere quiet.' You were so insecure; your heart bared so much to him sometimes that it often bothered you how vulnerable you were in front of him, that you had nothing else to offer to him but your anxieties, your company… And hot drinks.

'A nice house somewhere quiet?'

'I don't take you for a man who likes living in mansions.' you said. 'That's more of a Charles thing.' you added, your telepath friend briefly crossing your mind. Erik chuckled.

'A _Charles_ thing?'

'Oh, you know,' you said. 'He likes smart things. Fancy things. Smart _and_ fancy things.'

'I don't need all that,' he said simply. 'I have you.'

It took you a while to reply to him, in a state of shock. You could feel your cheeks burning. How could something so cheesy and sentimental roll off his tongue so easily? Is this your new power now? Turning Erik Lehnsherr, the terrifying man who can manipulate steel, into a _romantic_?

'Some trade off,' you finally said, composing yourself. You couldn't help but smile at his words. You couldn't help but glow in his presence. Something lit inside you from his words alone. 'You're stuck with a fool, Erik Lehnsherr.' you told him.

How you wished you could've said the same thing back to him, something beautiful that encompassed your feelings for him, in your own way. The more you knew him, the more you stumbled into your words, your care—no, _your love_ for him. You realised it as you walked along the aisles, hands clasped together, grocery store music hanging over the silence between you.

You loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this came a little late, work has been stressful and hectic! 😩 thank you for reading! ♡ leave a comment, if you have the time.


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